The Best Dive Buddy Might Be Someone You Haven’t Met Yet

One of the things I love about scuba diving is how quickly it gives people something in common.

You can meet someone for the first time in the morning and, a few hours later, you have already shared something extraordinary.

Maybe you saw an eagle ray together. Maybe one of you spotted the octopus everyone else swam past. Maybe you surfaced laughing about the impossible state of your hair after a dive, or how the current made it hard to maintain buoyancy during the safety stop. Or maybe you simply reached the surface and started screaming with delight about how incredible the dive was.

Diving has a way of skipping some of the small talk. We already have the ocean. And that is enough to begin.

Showing up without already knowing someone

For many people, joining a retreat on their own can feel like the hardest part. It is one thing to be excited about the destination and the diving. It is another to imagine walking into dinner on the first night and wondering where to sit.

Will everyone else already know someone? Will I have anything in common with the group? Will I feel out of place?

Those are very human questions.

But I love thinking about what happens when 10 or 12 people make their way to the same destination from different cities, different countries, and very different lives.

We may have different careers, families, routines, cultures, and stories. We may have traveled hundreds or thousands of miles to get there. And yet, somehow, we all ended up in the same place because of this shared love of the ocean and, especially, scuba diving.

Before we had even met, we already had something meaningful in common. We all chose to make the journey. And now we get to experience it together.

Divers understand divers

There are things divers get excited about that can be surprisingly difficult to explain to people who do not dive. Why we can spend an entire meal talking about one turtle.

Why spotting something the size of a thumbnail can make our day. Why we willingly get up early on vacation—sometimes as early as 4 a.m.—squeeze ourselves into wetsuits, and head out to a dive site, sometimes before we have even had breakfast. Why a particularly beautiful dive can stay with us for years.

There is something wonderful about being around people who already understand that part of you.

Community does not mean being together every minute

When I talk about community, I do not mean that everyone needs to become best friends. And I definitely do not mean spending every waking moment together.

Some of us love a long dinner and hours of conversation. Some of us need quiet time after a full day of diving. Most of us probably need a little of both.

The kind of community I want to create through Portal Mindful Retreats leaves room for that. There are shared dives, meals, yoga sessions, conversations, and plenty of opportunities to connect. But there is also room to take a nap, read a book, sit by the water, or simply be quiet. Connection should feel available, not required.

To me, that is an important part of creating a retreat where people can actually relax and be themselves.

Making new friends gets harder as we get older

I think this is another reason the community aspect matters to me. Making new friends can feel different at this stage of life.

When we were younger, people seemed to enter our lives almost automatically—through school, work, children, neighborhoods, activities. As the years go by, our lives become more established. Our routines are fuller. Some of those natural opportunities to meet new people begin to disappear.

But adventure gives us another way in. Suddenly you are sitting on a dive boat next to someone you met yesterday, and both of you are still grinning because a sea turtle just swam directly underneath you. You already have something to talk about. Something you experienced together. A reason to stay at the table a little longer after dinner.

Not everyone you meet on a retreat will become a lifelong friend. They do not need to. But sometimes someone who was a stranger at the beginning of a trip becomes the person you cannot imagine having experienced it without. Maybe she becomes someone you stay in touch with. Maybe you start talking about another destination you would both love to dive into. Maybe a future trip begins with, “Should we do this one together?”

That possibility is one of the things I find most exciting about bringing small groups together. I know this can happen because it happened to me.

I met my friends Valerie and Weng on a dive trip to Komodo in 2017. Valerie lives in Singapore, Weng lives in Dublin, and I live in San Francisco. We came from three completely different parts of the world and happened to meet because we all wanted to dive Komodo.

What started as three people meeting on a dive trip became real friendship—and years of shared adventures.

When I think about the kind of community I hope can grow through Portal Mindful Retreats, I think about Valerie and Weng.

You really never know who might be sitting next to you on that boat ride.

The buddy you haven’t met yet

A dive buddy is, of course, an important part of safe diving. Good buddy practices, communication, and compatible experience levels matter.

But I like thinking about the idea of a dive buddy a little more broadly too.

Sometimes it is simply someone who gets excited about the same things you do, who laughs with you on the boat, encourages you on an off day, and completely understands why you are still talking about that eagle ray at dinner.

And sometimes, over the course of a few shared dives and meals, that person becomes someone you can imagine traveling with again.

That possibility is one of the things I love most about bringing small groups together.

Sometimes a shared love of the ocean is all we need to begin.